I was speaking with an older friend the other night about traveling, specifically, traveling solo. She said she’s never traveled alone and didn’t have it in her to do so. She’s “too old” to start now, she said with a laugh.

I sort of laughed with her, but said it’s never too late. I said don’t let age be a barrier. Start small, whatever makes you comfortable and helps build confidence.

To be honest, her words about herself made me feel sad inside.

flower maunganui.jpg — *Don’t let age be a barrier.*

*It’s okay to be unsure of oneself or hesitant, but always be willing to try. That’s where growth and expansion takes root, and with each experience, your confidence and self-esteem will blossom.*

Personal Experience

I got a taste for travel as a child because my mother’s family was in Japan, and we traveled back and forth between there and Hawai‘I quite a bit. I also traveled to Japan for my faith with small and large groups of people over many years.

While attending the University of Hawai‘I at Mānoa (UH), I got to know Cheryl. We had gone to the same high school, but were never in the same circle of friends. Although I knew of her, I didn’t know her. We got to talking while catching TheBus (our public transportation system) to UH, then eventually I started driving, so I’d pick her up and we’d go together. We had way too much fun during our morning drives, and that’s when we saw how well we clicked, and started making plans to attend weekend events in Waikīkī.

We’d check in at a hotel on a Friday and stay two nights to attend Aloha Festivals (block party Friday night, parade Saturday morning), Halloween (we’d plant ourselves in one spot and watch the sidewalk parade of costumes go by), pre-Christmas to see the holiday decorations, etc. Those were great fun.

When it became “been there, done that,” we moved on to Maui, the Big Island, then Kaua‘I, a few times each.

With that done, we set our sights on the U.S. Mainland. Our first road trip specifically included Yosemite National Park (covered in an earlier blog post) and the surrounding areas. It was the first of many fun adventures we took every other year. Our last one was in 2005 when we drove around the northeastern half of the U.S. starting in Connecticut and made our way up to Maine. We thought we’d continue our travels, but then lost touch.

I was fortunate in that my path to solo travel began early and I had many years to learn and do with the assistance, and in the company, of others. I didn’t know it at the time, but the years of shared experiences ignited a desire to travel more and to travel farther afield, then eventually, to travel on my own.

I’d vacationed alone on the Mainland a few times, but my first big solo travel experience was to New Zealand. I feel I was able to go it alone because of all the travels I’d done earlier that had become building blocks that instilled self-confidence, the invaluable experience of knowing I’d be okay on my own, and some knowledge of the rigors of travel itself (though this is always ongoing!).

Travel, by Generation

I’ve noticed that the younger generation, possibly the millennials and most definitely those who came after, are a bit more adventurous to go it alone. Maybe it’s because their parents (of my age) provided a foundation for growing confidence, self-esteem, the encouragement to experience the world, that I never had. It’s nothing bad; it’s just that it wasn’t a priority. My generation was schooled to attend a college/university right after high school, get a good job, save for retirement, etc. The focus was always to ensure future stability, which seems kind of finite, and not so much to experience the wider world.

The friend I’d been talking to is in her early 70s, still young in my book! Her children are grown with their own families, and she lives alone. She has the freedom to travel and the support and encouragement of her kids, but she has determined that she prefers to stay home, lacks the courage to travel by herself, and feels she could never, ever do it. Especially because she’s older.

Now, if she earnestly prefers to stay home, that’s one thing. But to not travel because she says she doesn’t have the courage to do so and feels she’s “too old,” that’s another story.

Never Too Late

True, we live in a much different world than when my friend and I took our road trips in the 80s-90s. Though we did experience a mild sense of racism in a couple of states, we felt entirely safe. We were always vigilant about our surroundings, but there was never a sense of real danger.

Nowadays, people are truer to their feelings and are much more vocal about speaking their minds or take some kind of negative action. We’ve all seen this in the news and on social media platforms. If I were traveling now, I would do my research, be more aware of these areas, and would probably avoid them or just drive through.

Regardless of the situation, it is NEVER too late to open our horizons to solo travel. Just take a look at the many YouTube vanlife channels that have popped up within the last year. Many single seniors have been taking to the road to explore places they’ve never been. True, some have had to do so because of the economy, but many others have chosen this lifestyle.

If anything, it’s our own hesitancy, self-doubt and fears that stop us from growing and expanding. Solo travel is a remedy for that and in itself is a growth experience in so many ways. But we first need to break through that initial fear.

Positives of Solo Travel

It’s scary, especially if you’ve never done something before, and solo travel ranks up there just because you will be out of your comfort zone in a place of unfamiliarity. It was a concern for me as well when I traveled to New Zealand. Plus, I had to drive on the left side of the road. But knowing the joy of solo travel I always feel, I knew it would be worth it. I just had to get over the initial fear and hesitancy. Once I clicked the button to purchase my plane ticket, there was no going back.

I can only speak for myself, but let me say that the benefits to overcoming personal fears and opening ourselves up to new experiences are numerous. Here are just a few that I feel whenever I travel alone:

1) Freeing – Yes, freeing, not freedom, though there is that too. The thought of, “I’m scared/nervous as crap, but f***, I’m doing it anyway,” or “Should I? Can I? Will I be okay?” before making the final commitment (buying the plane ticket) will initially be replaced by a sense of dread. Perhaps of being scared s***less. But hopefully, you’ve weighed all the pros and cons prior to the click, and are at least 95% comfortable with your decision.

I was still nervous after purchasing the ticket, but in my heart I knew I’d love my solo adventure to come, and that’s what I focused on. I shook off my doubts and nervousness and basked in the weightlessness of feeling free—that I had made my decision and that was that! I’d worry about planning, packing, etc. later. Yes, it was FREEING.

2) Confidence Building – The days leading up to my trip were surreal. I told my friends and coworkers I was going to New Zealand alone, and they were all, like, “What? Are you serious? Why?” As in why go alone? My answer to the questions were simply, “Why not?” said with a sense of bravado. After all, no one I knew at the time would even think about traveling solo. This was foreign territory for me, which made it exciting, tinged with a bit of “Eeeek!”

Getting on the plane was normal. Stepping off the plane into an unfamiliar airport and on “new land” was darn exciting! For me to process, I took it step by step—baggage claim first, SIM card next, shuttle to the nearby hotel, check in, scope out surroundings, dinner! All a part of building confidence in new surroundings. It’s as if these new experiences were put under the belt as I accomplished each one and kept it for future reference.

3) Build Self-Esteem – With each step accomplished toward my solo adventure and on the actual trip itself, my sense of accomplishment and self-confidence continued to grow. Picking up my rental vehicle, driving it off the lot onto the left side of the road and heading toward my first destination was HUGE. Luckily, New Zealand incorporates roundabouts and has signs that say, “Stop here” with an arrow, to make it easier. I also did research on four-way stops and other traffic practices prior to my trip, so that added to my sense of “I’ve got this!”

I did a lot of activities as well—Waitomo Caves to see the glow worms, Hobbiton tour, walked through Waimangu Volcanic Valley, hiked a trail in Tongariro National Park, rode the chairlift and luge at Skyline Rotorua and lots more. Each of these experiences implanted a sense of joy, wonder, gratitude and achievement. I didn’t care who heard my yells of pure bliss while riding the luge; I was having too much fun. Eating alone was never a problem because I tended to beat the dinner crowd. On other trips, I’d gone to bars for appetizers, and met a few super nice fellow travelers.

What’s important here is that each new experience lifted me up with a sense of accomplishment, a sense that, yes, I can do this. It’s not said with boastfulness, but with a sense of appreciation and inner joy.

4) Freedom – Yes, freedom. Nothing beats the feeling of driving a vehicle on an unfamiliar road toward the new and even more unfamiliar. Add in some country music tunes and it becomes better! I can listen to my country songs day in and day out, no complaints. I can drive as far as I want or cut it short if I’m tired. If I see a spot I’d like to eat at, I can do that too; no checking with anyone. And if plan to see something, then change my mind later, it’s totally up to me. I’m accountable for my own actions and can do what I want when I want at my own pace. Absolute freedom.

Step by Small Step

For anyone who reads this and is unsure about solo travel, my advice is to start small. Give yourself the time and space to build your confidence in whatever capacity that may be.

Depending on what the COVID situation is in your area and how comfortable you feel going out, pick a weekend and make plans to stay one or two nights at a hotel in the city (similar to my Waikīkī phase). Plan a daytime outing that has a purpose—reserve a time to visit a museum to learn something new, walk along the streets to practice street photography, take a book and a blanket to the city park for some “me time,” or make reservations for an early dinner at a favorite dining spot. Having a purpose is important because without one, it’ll be too easy to brush off the outing and stay in your room. Take as long on this phase as you need, even bring a friend. But do try it solo a few times.

Expand your horizon by booking a hotel in a place you’ve never been, perhaps two states over or even further. Try this for a couple of months (this was my neighbor island phase). If there’s a nearby trail you’ve been wanting to hike, a certain unique store you’d love to visit or a special attraction you’ve been wanting to see, all the better. There’s your purpose.

By focusing on your purpose and the joy that comes in fulfilling it, it takes your mind off the fear or hesitation of exploring someplace unfamiliar on your own.

If you live on the continental U.S., you have your choice of destinations all within driving distance—lucky you! If you have a long weekend or a few vacation days to use up, you can drive that much further or stay in one place that much longer.

The next step is up to you. Hop a plane to the opposite side of the U.S. or drive there on your own. Go international? That’s another option.

Whatever you decide to tackle, recognize your hesitation, your fears. Is it rational? If so, research and see if you can come up with tips to ease your concerns. If not, speak with a friend who loves to travel to get a different perspective of your fears, and work on them from there.

I was unsure about driving in New Zealand, but researched the traffic protocols and imagined myself driving on the left side and how it might feel. It certainly helped because after the initial drive toward my first destination, I felt pretty comfortable behind the wheel (though I mistakenly hit the windshield wipers when I meant to hit the turn signal). Thank goodness the gas pedal and brake were where they were “supposed” to be. Yeah, I wondered about that.

The key is to be proactive and research as much as you can about your destination beforehand. Preparation and knowledge of what to expect will help to ease any hesitation about going.

*Just try.*

We create our own internal barriers by our inner thoughts, words and non-action. We say “no” to the child who once believed we could do anything. There are no big or small steps. What matters is taking a step forward to break through the barriers and taking flight toward growth and self-fulfillment.

A Few Tips

To give myself room to breathe, I always do a few things to take away some of the stress.

• I always book the first night at a nearby hotel or motel that provides airport shuttle service. This way, after landing, I can just catch the shuttle, relax in the room and prep for the next day’s travel by double checking my old school maps, as well as the route on an app (I actually prep these prior to travel). In the morning after a quick (and usually free) breakfast, I catch the shuttle back to the airport and pick up my rental car.

• If the rental car office is in the city, I try to avoid picking it up on a weekday morning. If it’s at or near the airport, it’s usually easier since I can make a U-turn (or two) if necessary. That being said, sometimes the ticket price determines the day you fly in. In that case, I prep the map and make the best of it.

On one of my trips, I was nervous about having to drive in New York City. In that case, my phone app greatly helped because there was no way I would have been able to use a paper map to navigate and drive.

• If at all possible, I avoid making hotel/motel reservations ahead of time. Now this really depends on the time of year you choose to travel. I like traveling off season, so it works for me. And wherever I do decide to stay, I check in early. For the first three to five road trips, I usually made all the reservations ahead of time. Let me tell you, it really sucks when you’re speeding to get to a hotel because you spent too much time someplace, then get a ticket for speeding. Happened in Utah. At least he was nice.

There was also a time when we were driving from Las Vegas to Colorado’s Mesa Verde National Park. We overstayed our time in Vegas, ate a huge breakfast, made some stops, then I had to use the bathroom at a convenience store along the way because of said breakfast. Let’s just say we drove in real late, close to 10 p.m., and I had the feeling that the staff at the counter were deciding whether to stay or close up because they knew we were supposed to check in. All the lights were off except for one at the check-in desk. I quickly apologized and picked up the room keys.

You get the point. This suggestion comes from my experience. Do what feels comfortable for you.

• I usually return my rental vehicle the day before departing so I don’t have to rush in the morning. What I’ll do is check in at the hotel first, drop off my stuff, then return the car. I’ll then take the shuttle to the airport and catch the hotel shuttle back to the hotel. Sounds awfully complicated, but hey, it’s worked for me. You do you.

• Because I’m always trying to save money on accommodations throughout the trip, I like to splurge on the last night and stay at a nice hotel (that’s not unreasonably expensive) that has an airport shuttle. I’ll even do in-room dining unless the hotel has a nice restaurant. To me, this is the epitome of self-indulgence! Next morning, I’ll enjoy breakfast if time permits, check out, then catch the shuttle for the return flight home.

Something to Ponder

We are so much more capable of doing things that we may consider outside our comfort zone. We create internal barriers by the dismissive words we say, the negative thoughts we have, the actions we fail to take. We say them to ourselves thus effectively clipping our wings, clamping down on our spirit of adventure, saying a stern, “No,” to the child who once believed we could do anything.

All I can say is, just give it a try. Every small step is a step moving you forward toward your goal. Toward fulfilling your sense of self. Toward a new adventure—keep in mind, this could be anything from overnighting alone in an unfamiliar hotel to hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. There is no big or small; it only matters to you.

Do the research that will help you feel comfortable. Bring a small comfort from home if needed. Open your heart to feed that inner child. Trust in yourself. And just try.